Wedding Speeches Order: Who Speaks When, and How Long

The traditional order of wedding speeches at a U.S. reception starts with the host, usually the bride's parents or her father. Next come the groom's parents, if they speak, then the maid of honor and the best man. The newlyweds close, either right after the attendants or at the cake cutting. Below you'll find who gives speeches, where each one fits in the evening, how long each should run, and how to change the lineup when your family doesn't follow the classic script.

TL;DR

• The host welcomes everyone first. That is usually the bride's parents or father, once guests are seated.
• The groom's parents, if they want to speak, follow. Then come the maid of honor and the best man.
• Place the attendants' toasts toward the end of dinner, after entrées are served and before plates are cleared.
• Keep each toast to roughly three to five minutes. The couple thanks their parents and guests.
• The order is a tradition, not a rule. Adjust it for your family, your venue and your timeline.

Table of Contents

• Who gives speeches at a wedding
• The traditional order of wedding toasts, step by step
• When to schedule speeches in the reception timeline
• How long should wedding speeches be?
• Adapting the order for your family
• What the order looks like on the other side of the camera
• Our perspective: speeches are the part you'll want to relive
• Keep your speeches in your wedding film
• A simple checklist for your speech lineup
• FAQ
• Sources

Who gives speeches at a wedding

The traditional key speakers are the parents, the maid of honor, the best man and the newlyweds, according to Brides. That is the full classic cast. Most couples don't use all of it.

A typical reception has between three and six speakers. The speakers fall into a few groups:

• The host or hosts. Whoever is welcoming guests and, traditionally, paying for the party. Often this is the bride's parents, but it can be both sets of parents, a single parent, or the couple.
• The groom's parents. They are optional. Many families have them say a few words.
• The honor attendants. The maid or matron of honor and the best man give the toasts guests usually remember most.
• The couple. Thank-yous to parents and guests, often as the last speech of the night.

Does the father of the groom give a speech?

He can, and it is increasingly common. Brides says the groom's parents, if they speak, generally follow the bride's parents. Nothing requires it. If the groom's father is a natural speaker, or the groom's family is hosting part of the event, give him a spot. If he'd rather not, a short toast from either parent, or a few words at the rehearsal dinner, works just as well.

The traditional order of wedding toasts, step by step

Here is the lineup most American receptions follow, built from the guidance in Brides and the common U.S. pattern described by Toast, a speechwriting site.

1. Host welcome. Brides says the event host should speak first, usually the bride's parents or her father, after guests are seated. This is a welcome and a toast to the couple.
2. Groom's parents (optional). If they're speaking, they go next. In a same-sex wedding, Brides notes that the couple decides whose parents open.
3. Maid or matron of honor. A story, a few kind words about the couple, then a toast.
4. Best man. Often the closer among the attendants. Some couples flip the order of the two attendants. It's your call.
5. The couple. Brides says the newlyweds may speak immediately after the honor attendants or wait until the cake cutting.

The logic is simple. The people who are welcoming guests speak first. The people who know you best speak next. You get the last word, which is the best place for thank-yous.

A sample lineup with times

Here is what that looks like with a 4 p.m. ceremony and a 5:30 p.m. dinner. The times are illustrative, not a standard.

Total speaking time is about 15 to 20 minutes. That is plenty for the room.

When to schedule speeches in the reception timeline

Placement matters as much as order. A great toast delivered while servers clatter plates gets half the attention it deserves.

Brides recommends placing the best man and maid of honor toasts toward the end of dinner, after entrées are served, while guests remain seated and before service interruptions from clearing or serving. Guests are fed, relaxed and not yet restless for the dance floor.

A few timeline points help:

• Put the host welcome at the start. It sets the tone and tells guests the evening is underway.
• Spread speeches across the meal if you have many. Splitting them between courses keeps people from sitting through 30 minutes of talking in one block.
• Talk to your caterer. Ask the kitchen when entrées will land so your toasts don't compete with service. A banquet captain or day-of coordinator can cue the speakers.
• Keep dancing in mind. Wrap speeches before the first dance block so the energy flows from toasts to music instead of dipping.

Before or after the meal?

Both work. Speeches before the meal suit nervous speakers, who can relax and eat afterward. Speeches after the meal let guests settle in. For a typical American reception, the middle path is the most common: a welcome at the start, and the main toasts as dinner winds down.

Where the couple's speech fits

The couple's words are the most flexible slot. You can speak right after the attendants, while guests are still focused on the toasts. Or you can save your thank-yous for the cake cutting, which gives the evening a natural second beat. If you want to thank guests for gifts, including contributions to a honeymoon fund, that is a good place to do it. Our friends have written about honeymoon fund or gift card etiquette if you're deciding how to handle that conversation.

How long should wedding speeches be?

Brides recommends three to five minutes per toast. That works out to roughly 400 to 650 spoken words at a normal speaking pace. Shorter is almost always better. Guests remember a sharp, warm two minutes longer than a rambling seven.

Some practical guardrails you can pass to speakers:

• Tell each speaker their time limit when you ask them, not the week of.
• Ask them to practice out loud with a timer. Reading silently runs fast.
• Suggest one story, one message and one toast. That's it.
• Ask them to hold the toast until the end, then invite everyone to raise a glass.

Who thanks whom?

According to Brides, the host welcomes guests and toasts the couple, while the newlyweds should thank their parents and guests. The attendants don't need to thank anyone. Their job is to celebrate you. Keep the thank-yous in two places: the host at the start, you at the end.

Adapting the order for your family

Tradition recognizes the people connected to the couple, but weddings today look different. The Lumen Learning public-speaking text notes that traditional toast patterns recognize and thank the people connected to the couple, while modern weddings may change the lineup for different family structures, genders or funding arrangements.

Here are common situations and the order that tends to work:

Plenty of couples flip the best man and maid of honor order or skip a speaker entirely. Your reception is yours to design.

Choose speakers who will do it well

The Lumen text also points out that a toast should reach a broad, multigenerational audience and use the couple's connection as common ground. Guests range from your college friends to your great-aunt. Ask speakers to avoid inside jokes only five people will get, and to keep stories that would embarrass a grandparent for another day.

Tell speakers early. People need two to three weeks to write something thoughtful. Give them the order, their time slot and the point in the meal when they'll speak. Nerves drop when people know what to expect.

What the order looks like on the other side of the camera

Here is something couples don't think about until their video arrives: speeches are some of the most replayed moments of a wedding film. Years later, you will want to hear your dad's welcome and your best friend's story. A few things make that possible.

• Use a microphone. A room full of clinking glasses swallows an unamplified voice. A handheld or lavalier mic gives clean audio.
• Keep speakers in the light. Make sure the spot where people stand is lit. Dim candlelit rooms look lovely but film poorly.
• Tell your videographer the lineup. They can position themselves, set audio and know exactly when to roll.
• Pause for the toast itself. The raised glass is a lovely shot. Let it breathe.

If you're building a photo plan to match, our guide to the wedding photo shot list covers how to pick the shots that matter in each phase of the day.

Our perspective: speeches are the part you'll want to relive

We film weddings across Kansas City, St. Louis, Iowa and Omaha, and we've learned that the order of speeches is a story arc. The host opens with welcome, friends bring humor and memory, and the couple closes with gratitude. When that arc is clear, the toasts feel like a single piece instead of a string of interruptions.

We also see that couples tend to over-plan the list of speakers and under-plan the moment. The best toasts happen when people are seated, quiet and able to hear. Share your order with your DJ, your coordinator and your videographer before the day, and the evening runs itself.

We tell couples to treat the speeches as something they'll watch again, not just something they'll sit through. A short, warm toast with good audio beats a long one with a muffled voice every time.

— Bo

Keep your speeches in your wedding film

If you want the toasts preserved in full, our Toasts Film captures them start to finish, alongside the ceremony and dances. For the complete story of your day, our video packages are published at $2,380 to $4,460, and you can see what each includes on our packages and investment page. Tell us your speaking lineup when you book and we'll plan audio and camera positions around it.

A simple checklist for your speech lineup

1. Decide who is hosting and who should open.
2. List every person who wants to speak. Then trim to what the evening can hold.
3. Confirm a time limit with each speaker.
4. Slot the attendants' toasts toward the end of dinner, before service interrupts.
5. Decide whether you'll speak after the attendants or at the cake cutting.
6. Share the final order with your coordinator, DJ or emcee, caterer and videographer.
7. Arrange a microphone and decent lighting for the speaking spot.
8. Hand each speaker a printed cue card with their time and the person before them.

FAQ

What is the traditional order of wedding speeches?

The host speaks first, usually the bride's parents or father. The groom's parents follow if they're speaking, then the maid of honor and the best man. The newlyweds can speak right after the attendants or wait until the cake cutting.

Does the father of the groom give a speech?

Optionally, yes. When the groom's parents speak, they generally follow the bride's parents. It's a good fit if he's comfortable speaking or his family is helping host. If not, a brief toast from either parent is enough.

How long should wedding speeches be?

About three to five minutes per toast. Aim shorter if you have many speakers. Total speaking time of 15 to 20 minutes keeps the room engaged.

Who thanks whom in wedding speeches?

The host welcomes guests and toasts the couple. The newlyweds thank their parents and guests. Attendants focus on celebrating the couple rather than giving thank-yous.

Should speeches happen before or after dinner?

Both work. The most common approach is a welcome early and the attendants' toasts toward the end of dinner, once entrées are served and guests are seated.

Sources

• Who Gives a Speech at the Wedding Reception? (Brides)
• Wedding Speeches by Role and Order of Speeches (Toast)
• 11.7: Toasts (Lumen Learning, LibreTexts)
• Order of Speeches at a Wedding Reception

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